the best way to get over someone.

They say it's to 'get under someone else'.

They say it's best to keep yourself well distracted.

There's definitely no shortage of advice on the matter.

But the truth is, there is no miracle cure for a broken heart.

Because if there was it would be mass-produced and sold to millions.

One of the worst parts of getting your heart broken is that we all know there's only one real healer and that is time.

We've all been there, your boyfriend's broken up with you and all of a sudden your life is definitely, completely 100% over so who the hell wants to hear that 'time is the only healer' or there's 'plenty more fish in the sea' because who wants a bloody fish? Is a fish going to spoon you at night or snuggle up on the sofa watching Easties with you? I think not. Deep down though, although we won't be hurrying out with our fishing nets, we all know that eventually over time, we will start to fill better despite how impossible it seems as we mope in a pile of our own mascara-stained tissues listening to 'Someone like you' on repeat.

So here are my realistic tips to getting over a broken heart (no metaphors, I promise):

1. Turn off Adele. I know it's hard because every lyric is so true *sob* but unless Adele is going to come round and prise the wine bottle out of your hand, she is no use to you now.
2. Put down your glass of wine and close the box of Malteasers. I'm sure that you don't want your ex to mistake you for a beached whale on dry land next time he sees you so it's for your own good.
3. Delete his number...and his text messages...and the call register and throw away the bit of paper that you've written it on just in case of 'emergencies'.
4. Now this is one of the hardest ones but honestly, how productive is a facebook stalk? I know we all do it but why, oh why do we force ourselves to go through the agony of seeing that he's become suddenly become friends with that girl. Block him immediately.
5. Take the upper hand. Telling anyone who will listen that he's got a tiny penis will make you feel good for about five minutes. Putting on a smile and not even uttering his name will help you feel better indefinitely.
6. If you're going to go out, make sure you enjoy it and do not spend the whole time worrying about bumping into him. If he is there, you want him to see you looking hot-to-trot and dancing around with your head held high not climbing on the railings of the dancefloor to see if you can spot him dancing with another girl.
7. In the initial, the less contact you have with him the better. This is a major one as everytime you talk to him while feelings are still raw, you are one step further away from getting over him. Obviously, this completely rules out the possibly of the cardinal sin: ex-sex. It is never a good idea.
8. Surround yourself with your friends because we've all been there. It is a law as a best friend that even in an ex's new girlfriend is Kim Kardashian still is still 'nothing on you, babes.'
9. Strangely, I always find the gym helps because it's so productive. You're letting out agression (and yes, it's perfectly find to imagine that he is laying down on the treadmill and you're trampling all over him) and you're working towards good results.
10. Most importantly, give it time. You're not going to get over someone overnight but there is no better feeling than when you look back and realise how far you've come. You were fine before them and you'll be fine again.

And always remember that you deserve better! No really, you do.